Pet Loss In Memoriam Berlin

Navigating Pet Loss—In Memoriam Berlin

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Navigating Pet Loss — In Memoriam Berlin

It is with a heavy heart that I share my best friend, Berlin, is no longer with me on this earthly plane. The loss of a pet is like no other.

Even when you know such a loss is coming, nothing you can do can prepare you for it. The silence is deafening. The ache nearly unbearable. Grief is messy and my mourning is raw. Anxiety, insomnia, depression, denial, gratitude, anger. Sometimes all at once.

Grief is messy and my mourning is raw.

As I navigate this journey and life without her by my side, I would like to share how I cherished our final months together, random thoughts because it’s hard to stay focused, and what I am doing to face my grief and mourn the most wonderful dog I could have ever wished for.

Reverse Sneezing In A Dog Not Allergies

In case you didn’t know, Berlin was (unofficially) diagnosed with Nasal Cancer in April 2022. It is a rare, local, but aggressive cancer.

Given all Berlin overcame in her 14 years (two Mast cell tumors, Vestibular Disease, and Kidney Disease), I knew it was going to have to be a strong, cruel disease, one that we couldn’t fight without great risk, that would take her from me. Unfortunately, Nasal Cancer proved to be just that.

As I sit here reflecting on Berlin’s initial symptoms and the palliative treatment we provided her for the next five months (read more -HERE-), I have regrets and guilt. It’s hard to avoid the woulda coulda shoulda merry-go-round, but I have to remind myself that I did the best with the knowledge I had at the time.

I can’t say enough about the Facebook support group I joined for other pet parents fighting the same disease. It helped me know what to expect, taught me additional tools to incorporate into her care, questions to ask her veterinarian, and provided a comradery I greatly needed.

In her final months, Berlin got a lot of White American Cheese and peanut butter, her favorites. We went to the beach every weekend. She had the zoomies there up until the last two visits.

Her bucket list was short because her life was filled with adventures and I knew she enjoyed the quiet daily routine more now than ever. There were tricks for treats (our nighttime routine that included Touch,  Pout, Look, and other fun behaviors in exchange for peanut butter and pumpkin treats), multiple daily walks at a pace and distance she decided, and for me, capturing paw prints and taking hundreds of pictures and hours of video. Her love of peanut butter and the joy that spread over her face as she licked the spoon until the absolute end was well documented.

Despite the indescribable pain of her loss, I will never regret walking into the animal shelter and adopting the sweet, golden girl sitting in her kennel, with her ears sticking out like Yoda and tail meekly wagging behind her. She was the light of my life for 12 years and she will be with me in my heart forever.

I’ve found comfort in paraphrasing a scene from one of my favorite movies, Cast Away:

I am so thankful for my time with Berlin, and I’m so sad she is gone, but for her, I know what I have to do now. I have to go on. I have to keep breathing.

There was and will never be enough Berlin. One day I won’t (always) cry thinking of all our adventures big and small, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love you forever, baby girl.

For now, I will keep seeking comfort from others who cherish and miss their fur babies as much as I do, thanks to the wonderful services provided by Lap Of Love. I will continue working on your Celebration of Life video. I will plan your memorial. I will advocate for other homeless pets looking for their forever home. I will continue to help other dog parents train their dogs to be as wonderful as you were.

Berlin, you were and continue to be my inspiration. I love you forever.

Visit Berlin’s Memorial Page

In addition to in-home euthanasia, veterinary hospice, online support groups, understanding pet loss courses, and individual support options, Lap Of Love also offers the opportunity to create a memorial page for your pet. If you feel inclined, visit Berlin’s page to light a candle, share a memory, or simply learn more about her story.

Berlin’s Memorial Page

Make A Donation In Berlin’s Honor

Better Together Forever offer resources to at-risk, under-resourced, under-served, housing-challenged pet parents in Los Angeles so that they can keep their pets safe and healthy and NOT have to surrender them to an animal shelter, give them up, or abandon them on the streets. They largely operate out of the shelter from which I adopted Berlin.

Better Together Forever

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